***Disclaimer: I will be the first to admit that I am just being b*tchy with this post. Really I know how truly lucky and very blessed I am to even have the opportunity and capability to run a marathon. And it wasn't ALL terrible (read below.) But after you have been running in the rain for hours and know that you still have many miles to go - your outlook on life and the situation at hand turns a little bit evil. And if you are me - you begin writing sarcastic blog posts in your head. Please enjoy the twisted thoughts that got me through 26.2***
Dear Steve Jobs (CEO of apple)
Your company is on my list at the TOP of my list. Sure you saved the day and made my Mom extra happy when I gave her an iPod Shuffle for an early Mother's Day gift, but I was NOT very pleased pre-race on Sunday morning. My iPod died yet again. Remember back in November when the SAME thing happened right before my race in Malibu? No? Well I do - why do your iPods SUCK SO BAD??? No matter that I charged it for eight hours beforehand. I was forced to run without. No music. Silence. And that is never a good thing because then I am left alone with only my thoughts. And thus I begin writing nasty letters to people like you. Know that I will probably be purchasing a new one soon because I am a materialistic person who has conceded to the debts of consumerism -
but I am still salty about it.
Dear Runners
Congratulations! To the girl I met in the first mile who tried to chat me up: sorry I am not more of a talker. I hope your first marathon went really well and you met your time goal of 04:30:00. To the man wearing underwear over his running shorts: you are hilarious. They read "Don't follow me. I just farted - a BIG one." To the winners: you are so phenomenal and inspiring. The winner on the women's side was blind! To the half marathon winners I watched finish as I approached mile 6: you are awesome.
One note: when that National Anthem plays at the beginning of the race please show some respect. I was deeply saddened and even offended by the majority of runners surrounding me who continued their conversations and did not even turn to face the flag. We are EXTREMELY blessed to live in such an amazing country. Sure everyone wants to show their patriotism now that we've all heard the news regarding the latest development in the War on Terror, but our nation is something that should be celebrated everyday and even in the simplest ways. I still remember being complimented in 5th grade because I always stood at attention with such fervor and held my hand over my heart as we recited the Pledge of Allegiance each morning. Celebrate our country.
Don't freak out if it is super crowded on race morning and you can't make it to the exact coral you are assigned. There are literally thousands of us out there. No one is going to police and pull you off the course. Just chill and hop in when and where you can. Remember that we're all starting and ending at the same place. To those bold ones who used the restroom wherever they could find a spot: I applaud you and your imaginative efforts. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
Dear Friends and Family (especially Sam, Sanj, Ben, Joyce, Patti and Lisa)
Thank you guys SO much for your constant support. I love you all. It really means a lot to finish a marathon and know you will have plenty of kind words of encouragement and congratulations waiting for you. It gives me great pride that my running is inspiring to others. And to my favorite fiotch running gals - I missed you two BIG time at the Pig this year. It just wasn't the same without my favorite ladies waiting at the Finish Line Swine. Repeat of (half) marathon madness soon? Somewhere warm please? Maybe in the South ...One note: when that National Anthem plays at the beginning of the race please show some respect. I was deeply saddened and even offended by the majority of runners surrounding me who continued their conversations and did not even turn to face the flag. We are EXTREMELY blessed to live in such an amazing country. Sure everyone wants to show their patriotism now that we've all heard the news regarding the latest development in the War on Terror, but our nation is something that should be celebrated everyday and even in the simplest ways. I still remember being complimented in 5th grade because I always stood at attention with such fervor and held my hand over my heart as we recited the Pledge of Allegiance each morning. Celebrate our country.
Don't freak out if it is super crowded on race morning and you can't make it to the exact coral you are assigned. There are literally thousands of us out there. No one is going to police and pull you off the course. Just chill and hop in when and where you can. Remember that we're all starting and ending at the same place. To those bold ones who used the restroom wherever they could find a spot: I applaud you and your imaginative efforts. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
Dear Friends and Family (especially Sam, Sanj, Ben, Joyce, Patti and Lisa)
Dear Mom and Dad (the best parents anyone could ever have)
Happy 28th Anniversary! Thank you for letting me stay at home (and for even washing my bed linens.) Thanks for a fun filled weekend. Thanks for staying up with me until past Midnight on Friday just chatting and catching up (even though we already talk almost every day!) Thanks for all of the yummy food - ice cream from Dairy Queen, sandwiches from Panera, tacos at Don Pablo's, the delicious pre-race dinner of six types of pasta with unlimited bread followed by the world's most delicious creme brulee at Maggiano's, and for even submitting to my crazy request for Steak n Shake post-marathon (I had such a craving for beef! Oh and in case you couldn't tell - at home we eat out 3 meals a day and rarely keep food in the house...)
Thanks for going to the race expo with me and helping to snag extra free samples of everything. Thanks for supporting me while I ran - even in the rain. Thanks for bringing Madeline to visit me out on the race course. She was the third dachshund I saw and looked the least mischievous (which is really saying something because that little dog is the devil.) Thanks for bringing me the GU Chomps I forgot and left sitting on my bedroom floor. Thanks for letting me crash hard and sleep for many many hours after my run. Thanks for waking up at 4:30 on Monday as I took that early morning commute to work and making me tea and a banana and telling me about the latest news stories. Thanks for being there for me - no matter what. I love you both with all of my heart. You are the most loving, caring, supportive and FUN parents anyone could ever ask for.
Thanks for the great crowd support! To everyone who saw my race bib and shouted kind words of encouragement "Go Carrie!" - Thanks - You are all awesome! For the group offering doughnuts and Jaeger around mile 10 - I love your spirit. I wish I could have taken you up on your offer. To the little boy arranging a dozen or so pig statues out at the end of his driveway as we ran by - you are adorable. Big shout out to the crowd working the fluid station around miles 17 - 18 : blasting Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" was EXACTLY what I needed at that point in the race. Awesome timing. But to the ladies belly dancing somewhere near mile 24 - you just freaked me out.
One recommendation to the fans (I thought this after last year's race too.) While I appreciate your encouragement it is cruel and unusual punishment to lie to hoards of runners by finding us while we are trekking uphill and shouting out "Last one! It's all downhill from here!" Especially when we round the corner only to find a monster behemoth incline that makes the previous hill we just conquered look like a little baby mound. Not cool. Lying and deceitful.
PS to the City Planners - You might want to checkout the second bridge we ran over - around mile 3. The thing was literally shaking and swaying. I was convinced that the supports were going to give way and there would be thousands of runners that tumbled into the Ohio River. Maybe partner with Kentucky for this one. (Or on second thought ... you best just leave the Bluegrass state out it and fix the problem yourself. I highly doubt that architecture and structural engineering is their strong point.)
Dear H. Suzanne (aka G Sue aka Maxine)
Thanks for all of the chicken. I hope the bathing suit works out well. I can't wait to be your roomie in a few weeks. Let me know if Sadie needs another bath soon. (August update: the bathing suit did work out well - and we had a really fun time rooming together in the Caribbean.)
Dear Katie D
Congrats girl! Way to go finishing your first half marathon! I am sorry that we didn't get the chance to talk at the Expo. I think I saw you once on the race course following very closely to a pace leader - way to stick with it! Hope to see you at our next UA get-together. Or maybe at next year's Pig?
Thanks. You got the job done. No blisters for this girl. Victory!
I knew it was you! (For those who might not know - Jess is one of my two littles from my sorority in college.) When I saw this girl come dashing past around mile 20 - 21 I thought to myself "She looks just like my little." But by then I was getting delirious and thought I could possibly be hallucinating. Plus I didn't want to scream "LITTLE!" and creep out some random girl if it wasn't you. But it was you! Congrats on running in the Relay with your co-workers. I am so proud of you! You did it!
I saw you for the last 6 to 8 miles of the run. You were wearing matching outfits topped with St. Jude's race vests. One of you had decided to take off your compression sock sleeves. One of you looked older and the other looked a little bit younger - mother and daughter, perhaps. I do not know you. I do not know your story. I did not see you finish. But I know that when I saw the two of you walking hand in hand it melted my heart. That is love. What an inspiration.
Dear Mother Nature
A little sun would be nice now. Sure we've put up with your indulgence of April showers. We are more than ready for some May flowers. Enough is enough. We get it. I am planning to return for next year's Flying Pig - third time's the charm? No rain, por favor.
Dear Carrie (yes - I am writing a note to myself - I know I'm a dork)
Well here you are again. Another marathon behind you. Sure - not your best. (In fact is was your worst to date.) But we all have up days and down days. Blame it on the rain (and the fact that you didn't train as much as you should have because it hasn't stopped raining for the past month.) Blame it on your dead iPod. Blame it on your salty attitude that you woke up with and just couldn't shake for the entirety of the race. I know you REALLY wanted to PR. Blame it on the hills. Know that there is always another race to enter (and girl you've got lots ahead of you!) Think that now there is (hopefully) only room for improvement. Think of all that you have learned. And think of how proud you truly should be of yourself. You ran a(nother) freaking marathon! YOU GO GIRL!
Epilogue: This post was actually a really fun one for me! I had totally forgotten all that I had written post-race and it was neat to relive the experience (even if it wasn't my best racing experience.) I also found it quite hilarious how many mistakes and typos existed before I went back and edited. My brain was probably still a little bit soggy from the marathon and it definitely showed in my original draft. Thank goodness for spell check!
Epilogue: This post was actually a really fun one for me! I had totally forgotten all that I had written post-race and it was neat to relive the experience (even if it wasn't my best racing experience.) I also found it quite hilarious how many mistakes and typos existed before I went back and edited. My brain was probably still a little bit soggy from the marathon and it definitely showed in my original draft. Thank goodness for spell check!
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